grace and growth

Change is good. Those three words have been on repeat in my head for the past few weeks. I have so many beautiful and wonderful and exciting and amazing things ahead of me. Change is so good. Never before have I felt so incredibly thankful for and confident in the path laid out in front of me.

In the days before and since I first wrote about change, however, I was hit by a giant metaphorical truck. It wasn’t necessarily a bad truck, but more of a “you’re an adult now and you’re going to realize all at once just exactly how immensely your past decisions have affected you” kind of truck. {Who knew that it’d take nearly 26 years to fully grasp that lesson.} I won’t let myself regret how I got here, because “here” is amazing and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. The truth is, never before in my life have I felt both so incredibly thankful for and in such need of forgiveness. Maybe that’s part of  growing up-self awareness; the understanding that you are not a perfect person; that you are flawed and messy and hurtful and human. With that knowledge, I have found it’s so much easier {and so absolutely necessary} to apologize, to admit wrong, and to ask for grace.

Years ago, I made a choice that changed the entire course of my life. It was something that, at the time, I felt I needed to do to get back on a better path. I’ll never know for sure, but I don’t think I ever could’ve found myself “here” otherwise. I was in the middle of my college experience, loving and hating every second of it. I had no idea how to balance, and found myself in the middle of both the best and worst times of my life. Completely overwhelmed with disconnect, I walked away from a lot of really great people. At the time, I was certain that it was my only option, and looking back, for me, I fully believe that.

Since meeting David, I have been in a constant state of self-improvement. It’s both hard and wonderful. He makes me want to be better, and that has opened my eyes to so many ways I need to repent and grow. It’s all water under the bridge at this point, but I needed to share my most heartfelt apology, and by God’s grace alone, old friends have become new friends again. I will forever be amazed by the incredible healing power of time and growth. The simple words, “I’m sorry” never hurt either. 🙂 Sometimes people fall apart, only to be brought closer together later in life. I’m grateful for that, too. My prayer is that from here, I can continue to live in a forward motion, that all can be forgiven, and that what is broken may be mended.

Yes, change is so good.

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