Every time I think I’m finally going to get back into the swing of things, life throws me a curve ball and months go by again since I’ve last written anything. Working full time, trying to be a good wife and mom, being pregnant, keeping my shit together – it hasn’t been easy.
I keep thinking that the time when I finally feel adjusted and balanced has gotta be right around the corner. I’ve been at my “new” job now for a year and a half. I can’t call it new anymore. Can I even keep using it as an excuse for being such a hot mess? Probably not. The days *mostly* fly and I do sincerely love what I do and the people that I get to surround myself with, but man, I just can’t seem to get a grasp on how to balance the rest of life along with it.
I turned 30 in June and while I have been excited for the transition into this new decade, I’ve found the last several weeks to be a season of self discovery and, truthfully, a little self dislike. It’s the expectation that I’d be a little more “together” by now that gets me the most. I struggle being present for Neeson; I struggle being vulnerable and open with Dave; I struggle making time for and being intentional with my relationships; I struggle with the notion that I just “don’t have the energy” for this space or the other things that fill my heart; I struggle with the fact that I really just do not enjoy being pregnant – at all; I struggle with so many things that I thought would be easier for me at this point.
I think, though – I hope – that this is just what life is. The ebbs and flows, the ups and downs. It’s inevitable. As a mama, as a wife, as a person, maybe the best thing we can do is be transparent and honest about our struggles. Maybe we just all need to slow down a little and take a deep breath. Maybe just knowing that we’re not alone is all we really need.